Knowing What You Want Until You Get It

 

When Brian and I first started dating, one of the things that really impressed me was how much of a gentleman he was. I thought I'd hit the jackpot because he always made sure to open my car door for me, when I was getting in and when I was getting out. I thought I loved that. After all, I'd always been taught that I should love that, that having my door opened for me was the sure sign of a gentleman. I thought it was sweet that Brian's dad still does that for Brian's mom after all these years.

Well, it turns out that I don't love having my car door opened for me. It took me a while to realize that I didn't really love the thing that I had been taught I should love. I felt perfectly capable of opening my own car door, but the part that really bugged me was sitting in the car after we had parked waiting for Brian to come around and open the door for me. I really disliked sitting there awkwardly waiting, when what I really wanted to do was get out and get moving.

It took me a while to realize this about myself, and then it took even longer to work up the courage to tell Brian about it. I think I was worried that I would hurt his feelings more than anything. Brian says that it took him a while to get out of the habit of doing something that he'd also been trained to do all his life. I know he did it because it's what he had been taught and it was a way to show me that he loved me. What really stood out to me, however, was that he showed me he loved me by taking my feelings into consideration and immediately accommodating my request. That's real love. 

I don't mind it if Brian opens a door for me if we're walking towards a door and he gets there before me, and I do the same for him if I get there first. 

What really stands out to me about this is that sometimes we don't actually love the things that we've been told we should love. It can take a lot of self reflection to overcome those deeply ingrained teachings. If something like this could be so deeply ingrained in me and I thought I wanted it until I had it, what else do I really not like that I've always been taught I should like? I have some other experiences like this, but this is the most simple. I got exactly what I thought I wanted, a perfect gentleman who even opened car doors for me, but then it turned out I didn't want that after all. Brian is a perfect gentleman in every way, he just doesn't open the car door for me anymore because I have asked him not to. I love him for that and for so many other things as well.